The Heaviness Nobody Warned Us About

No one tells you how much divorce actually WEIGHS. So often we talk about what we are shedding. Some of us even joke about “losing 200 pounds in our divorce.”

But oh, the weight of the things that you pick up and carry…

• Devastation
• Loneliness
• Guilt
• Fear
• Bitterness
• Insert your own here.

These can all be so heavy that they feel like they will just crush you and swallow you up.  Not to mention that you are now carrying the weight of keeping up your entire household by yourself in this “new normal.”

Normal. There’s a word. There is nothing normal about this. Webster says that “normal” means expected, usual, or healthy. I don’t know about you, but for me, going through a divorce did not feel like any of that.

Instead, I felt like I was dragging this massive weight behind me, barely able to put one foot in front of the other. The weight of loneliness, the fear of being alone forever, and oh my goodness the guilt. The shouting in my head of ...

I know how shattered a woman can be when her dreams die in divorce. I also know how ashamed she can feel. Or how liberated she may feel without yet realizing how much grief still needs to be processed.

I know because I have been divorced. More than once. Ugh. Just typing it and knowing this is being shared with the world still gives me a little knot in my stomach, but I have to share it. Because YOU are my why.

This pic is the poster hanging in my office that reminds me every day of the women I can help.

You who are going through it right now.

You who have gone through in the past.

You may be stuck in sadness. Or anger. Or anxiety. Or bitterness.

You see, I learned (the hard way, of course… because I am stubborn) how to really deal with these things and heal them. It took a lot of prayer, a lot of therapy and a lot of journaling, but on the other side has been so much freedom, peace and joy that I never thought I could have again.

I want to walk through your grief with you and h...

Derailment 💩 Happens: The Art of the Re-Start

 So… about that silence.

If you’ve been here before, you may have wondered if I would ever post again. And it you are new here, well, hello! You’ve caught me on the comeback trail from one of those “life-happens-all-at-once” seasons. Perhaps you can relate?

Since my last post on Vision Casting, I’ve had emergency surgery (Happy New Year!) that had me down for the count way longer than I would’ve expected, had some travel that came along with a gnarly case of bronchitis, and oh – our entire kitchen was packed up and ripped out (literally down to the studs) and turned into a dusty war zone of workmen, torn up concrete, random hanging electrical wires and comprehensive chaos. Not how I had visualized these past few months going down.

Needless to say, the blog got benched.

And goodness, gracious, when life completely stops you, isn’t it so much harder to get anything accomplished than when you had some momentum? Being derailed sucks.

Here...

Do you ever wonder what life will look like one year from now… or if you are really ambitious, five years from now? Or do you have a dream in your heart, but just don’t see how that dream comes to life anytime soon?

When you have gone through a major life transition like divorce, the heartbreak, burdens, and demands of life can feel so heavy that your dreams and visions for the future seem miles away or even impossible. But, what if those dreams in your heart are simply waiting for you to take a small step toward them to begin bringing them to life? What if you had a clear path set out for you that would bring that future dramatically closer to your present reality? Enter the Vision Cast.

You may think that Vision Casting is just a fancy buzz-word for the annual corporate retreat strategy and goal-setting sessions that sound great but then get forgotten in a month, but I’m here to tell you (and there is a lot of science to back me on this) that if you take just a short amount of time...

You have probably heard it said, “Time heals all wounds. That saying has been around for so long that I cannot even find on Google who said it originally. Our culture wants to tell us that time is the only thing we need to be emotionally healed. Is it just me, or would we all actually love for that to be true? I mean, doing the hard work of healing doesn’t seem fair. When you are the one who has been wounded, shouldn’t you get to relinquish responsibility for the healing of a wound that someone else inflicted?! If we could simply give our heartaches some time and they would be magically healed… doesn’t that just work better for you? Yeah, me, too.

I remember literally begging God to let me go to sleep for a year in the throes of my most painful moments because I thought that if I could just have that much time pass over me, then the pain would not be so paralyzingly excruciating. I am so glad that He didn’t answer that prayer.

Because the unfortunate and painful truth is that time, i...

Have you ever been in such a tough place emotionally, that you just feel stuck there? Or maybe you are there now? The rough things you are dealing with - the loss, the pain, the overwhelm - you just can’t shake them, and they sometimes feel all-consuming.  So much so, that daily life feels really hard right now. It could be that you have moved past the hardest part of it, but life is just duller and less joyful because you never got resolve, true healing or closure on that pain. If you can relate to any of this, then there is something that can help - journaling.

 Did you know that there is scientific evidence that shows us how journaling can not only help us better process our emotions and experiences, but it will also change our brains for the better? Hey, there is a reason that as adolescents most of us kept a diary. Somehow, we inherently knew that we needed to write stuff down.

 Here are my top 3 benefits of journaling for mental health:

• Journaling reduces stress and anxiety
...

What if I told you that you could move past your divorce and really heal your heart in a few simple steps?  Sounds amazing right? Well, you can do it because I did it. Now, don't let me mislead you… these steps are simple… but they are not easy. Let's face it, if it were easy, you would have already done it, right?

Take it from me… I am somewhat of a professional divorce survivor. But I have been able to do more than survive, I have learned to thrive in all areas of my life, because I have found true healing. After much reflection, and many mistakes, I can now see the processes that worked to move me forward and the things that brought real healing. And I just need to share it.

It breaks my heart to see you and so many other hurting people that are stuck in heartbreak, insecurity, fear and other strongholds that keep you from living a life marked by wholeness, purpose, and joy. Now, don't get me wrong here… it isn't like I did everything right. I am by no means a divorce surviving ov...