Derailment Happens - The Art of the Restart

Derailment 💩 Happens: The Art of the Re-Start

 So… about that silence.

If you’ve been here before, you may have wondered if I would ever post again. And it you are new here, well, hello! You’ve caught me on the comeback trail from one of those “life-happens-all-at-once” seasons. Perhaps you can relate?

Since my last post on Vision Casting, I’ve had emergency surgery (Happy New Year!) that had me down for the count way longer than I would’ve expected, had some travel that came along with a gnarly case of bronchitis, and oh – our entire kitchen was packed up and ripped out (literally down to the studs) and turned into a dusty war zone of workmen, torn up concrete, random hanging electrical wires and comprehensive chaos. Not how I had visualized these past few months going down.

Needless to say, the blog got benched.

And goodness, gracious, when life completely stops you, isn’t it so much harder to get anything accomplished than when you had some momentum? Being derailed sucks.

Here’s the thing… sometimes it’s the big things, but sometimes even the more subtle things can derail us. Emotional exhaustion, avoidance, or that one difficult encounter at work that is the last straw and stops us cold and sends us to the couch in our favorite sweatpants.

I can’t help but remember how divorce derailed me. It affected my work productivity, my friendships, my hobbies and passions, even my diet. “I don’t have it in me today” crept into my daily life, and it was like “Groundhog Day.” “Today” turned into weeks, then months. Ugh.

How Did This Derailment Happen?

In any stage of divorce, it can happen. Any of these sound familiar? 

• You had a great friend group, but now you feel like an awkward third wheel. Or you even lost some of those friends due to the split.
• Your self-care routine has gone out the window.
• You’ve traded in your nightly journaling routine for bedtime popcorn and wine. (Or is that just me? 🤨)
• You feel tired, overwhelmed, and maybe even numb.
• You’ve stopped keeping promises to yourself.
• You feel guilty for not getting more done or being further along in your healing.

 I get it, Sister. And I want you to hear this clearly:

                            🚨 You’re not broken. You’re not lazy. You’re human.

Healing does not happen on a straight line. It zigs and zags, and is a road filled with speed bumps and unexpected potholes along the way.

So, why is it so hard to start again?!

Here are a few reasons why you might feel stuck:

• Shame whispers in your ear, “You should be further along by now.”
• Fatigue sets in and convinces you it’s easier to stay put.
• Overwhelm asks where to even start?!
• Fear convinces you that you will fail.

The voice of discouragement is convincing, but we don’t have to let it win.

3 Simple Ways to Reboot after Divorce Derailment

Even if it feels like we are completely stuck, we have the power to get ourselves un-stuck and create some momentum. Here are some strategies that have worked for me, even when I didn’t think I had it in me.

1) Baby Steps

Whether it is rekindling your social life, a hobby or passion, or reaching a work/fitness/financial goal, don’t aim for the mountaintop. Aim for a text message. Or your journal. Or a walk around the block. Heck, you can even start with lacing up the walking shoes and wearing them around the house. Even the smallest start is still a start.

Start (or revisit) your prayer journal. Talk to God about the things that you want to do that just feel too hard to do right now. Putting it in writing and a prayer is a legitimate and powerful first step.

Want to pick up journaling, but aren’t sure where to start? Here is a link to my three favorite journal prompts to get you going! Then you don’t even have to figure out what to write… I’ve done the hard part for you.

Even baby steps count!

2) Allow Yourself to Daydream

When you are off-track, you can feel so stuck in what today looks like that it can feel exhausting to even think about tomorrow… especially if tomorrow feels like it is going to just be the same, or even harder, than today. Maybe it is time to take the focus off of “Today-You” for a few minutes and spend some time thinking about “Tomorrow-You.”

And I’m not talking about either catastrophizing about what else can go wrong tomorrow or pipe-dreaming about an unrealistic future. I am talking about making a date with your future self for a few minutes to dream new dreams, reconnect with old dreams, and think about what your tomorrow could look like if you got to paint it any way you wanted to.

Would it change the game for you if you knew that by taking the time to think through some dreams and goals, and then jot them down on paper, research shows that they are 40% more likely to actually come true?

Need help with this one? I have a whole Vision Casting Worksheet that I put together just for this purpose. (Of course, I built it out when I was in an uber-productive season… yay for Yesterday-Carleen!) Identify at least one meaningful goal or dream, and then it will help you determine a teeny tiny step that you can take to move you closer and how to pray for God to handle the rest. You can snag that PDF right here.

I am here for you, sister! I have had people help me get unstuck, and want to do the same for you. 😘

3) Be Kind to Yourself

If your very best friend was in your shoes would you tell her what a mess she is? Well, maybe, but most likely you would actually tell her that it is OK… that she is human… that what has derailed her would derail anybody… and that you love her.

So Sister, You are OK. You are human. What has derailed you would derail anyone. And most of all, YOU are loved, sweatpants and all. Now, repeat this back to yourself a few times until you really mean it.

You are not the only one who has ever gotten off track, and you don’t have to stay stuck.

💛 Want a gentle nudge forward?

Download my free Vision Casting worksheet and my favorite journal prompts here:  Resources

Or, if you’re looking for deeper healing, check out the Life After Divorce Course here: Course Info

And if this post was helpful? Drop me a comment and tell me your story. I’d love to cheer you on. 🙌