While the weight of the pain feels almost unbearable...

somehow feeling helpless may be the most comfortable place for you right now. Divorce is a serious trauma, and feeling this way is perfectly human and understandable. But...

...the important thing to know about getting stuck in this stage is that you do not want to sink permanently into a victim or hopeless mentality. It feels good for a while to have others feeling for you, giving you lots of attention, and letting you vent and cry it out. And for a while, we all deserve that for sure! The key here is not to become STUCK in this stage.

Because when we allow ourselves to get stuck here and refuse to take steps toward healing and moving forward, our identity becomes what happened to us and not who we actually are. People get weary of the negativity and of rehashing the same stories over and over. They will begin to pull away because it is difficult to be around someone who only talks about their pain and can't seem to move on. And then we allow bitterness to settle in.

Sister, this does not have to be you! Even if it feels like you are having certain needs met by having your friends and family rallying around you, this will not serve you in the long-term.

Key things to remember in this stage

By setting up camp in a victim mentality, you are letting your divorce and your ex-spouse define you... and worse, control you. They don't deserve that privilege.

We tend to find ways to numb when we are stuck in this stage... shopping, drinking, binging social media, eating... and this will ultimately do more harm than good.

 So, what can I do to get un-stuck?

My favorite strategy for getting un-stuck from hopelessness and feeling like a victim is to find someone who has it worse than you do, and minister to them!

Maybe there is someone in your community who has lost a child, or lost their home to a fire, or just got a terminal diagnosis... there is pain everywhere in the world and in your community. Ask around, find someone, and reach out to them. Bake them cookies. Offer to sit with them and just listen. Invite them to dinner. Bring them groceries. Take them shopping. Do something.

You will be AMAZED at how good it feels to minister to someone else. You will also have the opportunity to take your mind off of your pain for a while, which will be a very welcomed respite. Sometimes that is all we need for a little perspective and a little nudge toward seeing our own light at the end of the dark, divorce tunnel.

Bonus Strategy:

Specific Journal Prompts to Help Get Un-Stuck from this Stage

1) What benefits am I getting right now because of this trauma, and why am I afraid to give them up?

2) What am I robbing myself of by being stuck here?

3) Who needs me to show up for them right now, and what does that look like?

4) Write out a prayer, asking for the strength to get un-stuck and embark on a healing journey.

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:13 ESV