So maybe your stuck on unforgiveness. Well Sister, you are not alone!

For me, this was hands-down the toughest part of my healing journey.

I need you to understand that offering forgiveness does mean that what that other person did is OK. That is a big misconception that we have lived under for a long time. I mean, look at what our culture has taught us to say when we hear, “I’m sorry.”
Say it with me, “It’s OK.”
But no, usually it’s not.

There are some other myths around forgiveness that I would like to address:

When you forgive, you do not have to forget.

Forgiveness also doesn't mean that reconciliation must occur.

It is not a sign of weakness to forgive… it is actually a sign of great strength.

You do not have to feel it to forgive.

Forgiveness is not optional if you want emotional healing.

Considering these busted myths, then what does forgiveness actually mean? Well, the true definition of forgiveness is cancelling the demand for repayment. It is not a feeling, it is an action.

It also a process that usually takes a bit of time before it is complete.

So, how do we actually forgive? It starts with simply making the choice to do so. And most likely you will have recommit to this choice every day for a while. Most days you won’t feel like it, yet you are choosing to let go of the demand for repayment. You are choosing not to punish or avenge. And you may slip up on that. You are human after all. Just start over and one day it will stick. And the beauty of that day will be that you will feel more free, more healthy, and more healed than you thought possible.

And hey, this all applies to you, too. You must realize where you are withholding forgiveness from yourself and choose to lay that down. 

Key thing to remember in this stage

In this lifetime, you will never look more like Jesus than when you are forgiving.

KEY STRATEGY:

Make the choice daily to simply let go of the demand for repayment. Even when you don’t feel like it, let your actions and words look as though you have already forgiven, and one day your heart will follow.

Bonus Strategy:

Specific Journal Prompts to Help Get Un-Stuck from this Stage

1) What myths about forgiveness do you struggle with and why?
2) Make an inventory of all the things you need to forgive.
3) In what ways do I “demand repayment” or try to punish my Ex for the offenses done toward me.
4) What joy, relationships, and healing are you robbing yourself of by holding on to unforgiveness & bitterness?
5) Picture a scenario where you are free from resentment, anger, pain, and negativity. What does that look and feel like, and is it worth doing the hard work of forgiving?

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:13 ESV